I randomly have thoughts especially right before bed about a topic, I start basically writing about it in my head and think wow, this could be a post! Last night I was thinking about the couple of times I was told I come off as a know it all and how it stuck with me.
The reason this came up was because I was thinking about the concept of teacher and student and how I believe most of us show up as one or the other at some points in our life. And there are some people that show up as our teachers and as our students.
The other reason this came up is because I’m being intentional as seeing and experiencing everything as a gift and ask what this gift is bringing me? For instance the first time I was called a know it all, I couldn’t handle it. I was crying, I was upset, I took it personal, I thought the other person was being hurtful so essentially I took it out on them for being “mean”. I didn’t see this as a gift at the time. (I’ll the explain the gifts it brought me later).
The second time it was actually a safe container for us to express ourselves and give the people in the group feedback. One of the people said that I came off as a know it all. I was surprised, mainly because I really loved interacting with this person, I was sad for a moment and I believe I shut down from sharing for a while. At the beginning of this activity it was also said that just because someone is giving you this feedback, it may not be true but I think I took it partially true.
I told my friend Lori about it and she actually mentioned she knows she’s a know it all in certain areas of her life and why does it seem bad to me? Seriously, being called a know it all doesn’t have to be bad or good, I took it as bad but if someone has this perspective of me, then cool.
I’m going back to experiences I’ve had with people or in general and acknowledging the gift it gave me and how I can view it differently now. How I can show up in life as my most authentic self.
You know the funny thing is that, I don’t know a lot of things and I am so aware of that. In school, I was the student that memorized, so it all left my brain after I didn’t need it anymore. Actually it’s really funny looking back at it because the thing I was probably sharing was something I was passionate about and the way I presented may have come off this way to some people. But today I know that the more I know, the less I actually know… so I honestly can’t and won’t KNOW IT ALL! lol (it was just the energy I was giving off that triggered some people and then it triggered me when they told me! ah, it’s a cycle!)
I was recently in a group of sisters and one of them has experienced a lot and has lots of wisdom. It triggered me for a moment because I feel that every time we interact she is always my teacher and I am always the student. So a few things come up with this situation.
One, why did it bother me so much? She came into my life to show me what emotions and feelings I have inside, even my beliefs. I love this woman so much but my ego got in the way for a moment. I got the opportunity to listen to what she had to say and receive the gift. I also could choose what didn’t seem fit for me. I truly love almost everything she has to share with me and those around and I know that this triggering feeling and thought came up for me to be aware of.
Second, I realized that it’s okay to be the student. I am learning and evolving and growing and how beautiful is it that I have teachers in my life that take time to share their wisdom with me and support me in this journey. What a beautiful relationship to have with people and even place myself as the student so others can teach.
Third, as I was going through these thoughts I realized that I also placed myself in this box. That because this woman was my teacher there was no way that I could teach her something some day, my belief was that she wouldn’t humble herself to be the student. But it’s my thoughts so that was somewhere in me. Am I always the teacher to some people and is that okay? Could I allow others to be the teacher, step into that role and I step into the student role. Because essentially we learn as students but we start growing, expanding, healing when we get to share and teach what we have learned. In that moment she was my teacher but some day the roles may be reversed, I got the opportunity to be present with the teaching instead of being in my head.
LASTLY, this whole situation also made me aware that I love teaching and maybe I have been in the student role for some time and it’s a chance for me to show up as a mentor some times. Even by just being me, showing up and sharing what it going on in my life, it’s doesn’t have to be teaching someone one on one OR it could be!
I know that I may come off as a know it all in some areas of my life and that’s okay with me now. I’m just being me in that moment. I’m also realizing I can’t freaking please everyone, I would drive myself crazy.
Another beautiful gift is, what if I felt someone coming off as a “know it all” to me. Could I just accept them as they are and also be aware that maybe that’s just them at this very moment but they also have moments where they are listening and learning. I guess I don’t want to change someone or be the reason someone doesn’t share and teach anymore.
Maybe that’s what happened to me. The first time that this person said this to me, I remember not wanting to share anymore, not wanting to show up. I cared so much about what they said and I didn’t see the gift back then but someone was so easily able to shut my voice down. I wasn’t aware of that but now I am. Some days I’ll be the “know it all”, some days I will be the calm, kind loving nurturer, other days I will be the bitch, some days the teacher, some days the student. I will love the way I am however I show up in those moments.
I feel so much more grounded in myself before I felt I was this skinny tree and gusts of winds could knock me over, that’s how I felt when others were saying things to me. Now I feel my roots being planted and it’s not as easy to shake this tree. I’m excited to continue planting my roots, getting centered and loving the tree that I am!
Thank you for reading how I process my thoughts, feelings, beliefs and programming.
Blessings to you all.
Karina in Wanderland 