As I am working on releasing the need to be liked and people pleasing, I’m realizing more and more how silly that sounds. How could my body, mind, spirit possibly think that was realistic.
I could be at a party sharing while people are listening to me. One person could think how wonderful that I can share and really loving what I am saying while someone else could experience annoyance, that I talk too much and ready for me to stop talking.
I know I have experienced this myself. Some people will tell me how awesome their friend is and talk them up and when I meet them I get a totally different impression.
Also, I’m not always nice and cheery all the times. I have moments where I experience exhaustion, moments where I’m feeling sad and down, there are times when I want to talk and other times when I want to listen. It’s so interesting because it also depends on how the other person is feeling too. I know I have interacted with people and left thinking wow that person was stand off-ish or not nice but I never actually took time to acknowledge that I have no idea how their day is going AND also why does it affect me so much how they presented themselves.
My friend told me a story about her friend and how everyone thought so highly of her but she had an experience that left her thinking she’s not as nice as everyone think she is. I thought back to my interactions with people. I AM SURE that people have felt something similar with me.
I remember recently going to an event and there was this woman there that I have been following on Instagram and people mentioned how awesome she is. When I had the interaction with her, she felt… like she didn’t want to talk to me or be bothered. I mean it could have been the day, it could have been that there were new people around and that I was a new person. Or it could have been she didn’t want to get to know me. So cool, we either cross paths again later or thank you for showing up that way. It was a gift because it brought up stuff for me like did she not like me? Was I not being authentic? Also, why the hell do I care what she thinks of me…. there goes my need of being liked!! It was a gift showing me where I am and how I get to continue healing to become my most authentic self.
To be honest, there are some people where I feel my energy is high and I’m excited to be around and for some reason there are times when I am with others my energy is low and honestly I don’t want to talk with them. It’s just interesting that it also depends where we are all at in life at that given time.
I love talking AND I love listening. I know that I cannot hold space right now when someone is talking and talking and talking and there is no space of silence, to breathe or to even get a word in. That person could not even notice that I am spacing out and just love that I am listening or they could even think wow I’m the only one talking, this person doesn’t want to share. So many perspectives each person can have!
Another perspective on perspectives! I could totally think an interaction is going great, that was the best chat ever and wow there was so much healing. When the other person could have hated that talk, it may have been too vulnerable for them and caused emotions to be triggered that they didn’t want to feel.
For example, I literally had to come back and write this paragraph because I JUST got off the phone with a couple sisters. There was a moment in the conversation where one of them was sharing their perspective of me in our group. I got emotional because that is not at all what I was feeling. It sucked for a second, like damn that’s how I am showing up for her and possibility to the group. But she needed to share that with me, maybe I get to look within, maybe there is something subconsciously I am feeling and thinking. Or maybe she had the opportunity to share and I got to share what I really was feeling and then she gets to look inward of how she is viewing me or others. Either way, I know there is a beautiful divine gift for both of us!
With saying all this, I’m also learning that experiencing different interactions with people is a gift. Instead of judging someone for how they are showing up, I get to just experience and even feel the contrast with these experiences. It allows me to understand boundaries for myself, how to communicate that with people and also teach others not to take things so personally.
I’m acknowledging there’s a handful of people that actually have seen different sides of me and that’s because I am up front about what I am experiencing and they honor that. But with people I have just met, I am still learning to be authentic about the emotions and feelings I am experiencing AND also I can’t be explaining what’s going on with me every single time, that feels inauthentic.
This experience is teaching me to love people where they are. I don’t have to interact with them, I don’t have to label them or place them in a box. I get to honor and love them how they are and that also doesn’t mean I have to be around them. I get to be honest and walk away if I need to. If that triggers them, then they just received a gift.
It’s actually really fun embodying every interaction as a gift. Whether I made some laugh, smile, cry, angry and vice versa. I don’t see the gift right away, sometimes I have to feel it first but then I get to look back and say THANK YOU and I get to reflect on this person and why this situation was showing up for me.
I want to share another story. I had a friendship where I felt I got the mean end of the stick. At the time she was always calling me out, being “mean”, making me feel like I was doing things wrong and “making” me cry. For a while, I was so upset that people were saying how great she was, nice, and how people enjoyed her presence. I was like WTF, I got to experience this “yucky” side of her. Well there were plenty of gifts with this friendship and it took me years to realize it. The reason I was so shaken up by her was that I was doing things to please her or to be liked, so anytime I did something “wrong”, it was actually because I wasn’t showing up as my authentic self! I wasn’t at peace with who I was. She was showing me where I was at in life. Also, I know that is she a beautiful amazing person, it was tough for me to see that at times. We had a contract, before we were born, she decided that she was going to show up that way for me, it was a gift so that I can start remembering who I really am. Honestly, I eventually got fed up and didn’t want to take that shit anymore and I started using my voice, it was the first time I actually felt that I put up a boundary for myself. I was scared too but it freed me, I took a step into my authenticity and I didn’t know it back then! Thank you for the sweet gifts.
There are times where I still worry what people think of me or if I will trigger them with something I said or did. It’s been a process, one that I have been enjoying actually. I want to be a mother some day and I want to show up authentically, how ever that may look like. I want to feel so good within myself and my boundaries and demonstrate to my children the possibility and beauty in being who they are.
May I remind myself that my perspective of people and their perspective of me is always perfect. That this is always a gift. I honor myself to feel and if it brings shit up, that, that is sacred too. I get to experience and play, I get to remember who I am.
Thank you.
Karina in Wanderland 