I decided to pull a card for a group I’m in and it made me realize something.
These last few weeks, I felt like I was doing all of this internal work. It literally felt like work and at one point I feel I was making myself do it, forcing it and almost making myself suffer. I can’t even explain it in words for myself but it just felt that I was making myself miserable when I actually thought I was doing internal work so I could grow, expand, heal, etc.
The card I pulled was ‘The Spiral’ and I decided to read the Invitation part:
“To renew yourself, you must shed your old skin. You have already done this, so do not keep scraping away at the old, but welcome the soft new skin that is starting to grow. Break the habit of working on your faults all the time, and let nature take its course. Know that a new skin feels vulnerable and scary at times. Trust the medicine of the spiral as it guides your journey of renewal.”
Ahhh…. I needed to read this today.
Basically, I kept telling myself that I wanted to release all these programs, these beliefs systems, any blockages, fears, doubts but in a way I was viewing them all as these faults I had. There were moments when I would shed the old, and I would keep trying to scrape more and more off, I was getting agitated but the feeling of releasing the old was addicting…
I had no clue that I wasn’t allowing myself to enjoy this new skin growing, to nurture it and be gentle with myself and the process. To allow myself to surrender and let nature take it’s course. I mean it’s all perfect because it lead me to this realization.
The interesting part was that I truly felt I was doing this great deed for myself.
I wasn’t as present. Usually I got outside to get some sun, I read, I move…. but I was inside. I kind of felt like this teenager that is asked to put the phone away and join the family for dinner but I refuse and lock myself in the room in my own suffering. Wow.
Today I feel my skin and spirit is soft and gentle and vulnerable. I want to wrap myself up in a blanket and give myself a huge hug. I’ve done enough “work”, I get to relax, appreciation these moments, have fun, smile, laugh, admire the world.
Sometimes I can get so caught up in this journey of becoming authentic, healing, and trying to be “conscious”… Yes it does feel good to release anything that doesn’t serve me and it also feels good to do nothing, just be, be present.
Honestly, I’m happy I caught this because in a way I was seeing everything as a flaw, as something that needed healing in myself and in my world. I am who I am. There’s definitely a balance when it comes to this. I have no idea what that balance is or how it looks like, feels like. All I know right now is I am just being today. I can even feel some resistance to that, not completely sure how to just be.
I also decided to pull a card for myself today. What I received was…
“Crow is the keeper of universal law, the law of truth. Crow teaches us to walk our talk, to find congruence between who we say we are and who we really know ourselves to be. This winged one insists that we speak truth, that we create truth instead of searching for it, and that we bring truth to every situation we find ourselves in.
“When you speak the truth and practice truth, eventually everything you say becomes true. Your power to co-create with the truth is the universal law. Correct what is untrue in your life without judgement. Let the truth set you free!”
Wow, my truth right now is that I am learning to be and learning my own balance. Truth. Such an interesting word and energy. I am also correcting what feels untrue in my life…. this card is a reminder not to have judgement on myself but to be gentle.
My truth right now, is that I am creating a new relationship with this word Truth. All I know is what is true to me and I am even becoming aware of that!
So today, I take care of myself. I was typing out what I will do today… but that doesn’t feel true to me because I may change or choose to do something else.
Thank you. I love you.